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Have to get this off my chest. This might be quite lengthy. I don't recommend holding your breath. So here we go.

I just got out of a roller coaster relationship with my girlfriend. We were together for almost a year.

I met her in my Junior, and what I didn't know to be my last year of high school. I went to a different high school than her, but I would often go to her high school to have lunch with one of my friends at the time. Often I would get there early to wait for my friend outside of her art classroom. On one particular day I did this same thing, waited for her outside this very classroom.

Now hold on, lets back up for a minute here. I loved this friend of mine. More than just friends; I wanted much more than that. I met this particular friend in my ninth grade French class. We were best friends ever since then, three years to be exact. Two out of the three years I was madly in love with her. This was when I started to question my sexuality.

I had never questioned who I loved before. Crushing on boys was normal so that is what I did. However, I had always kind of thought that girls were cute too. Until I met this girl in ninth grade I knew who I liked. After I met her I went through a phase that I would like to call my "lost" phase. At first I told myself that it was one of those weird crushes that all adolescent girls get at least once. I told myself that I wasn't gay and that I was perfectly normal in every sense of the word.

Being gay is something no one wants. No one wants to be hated and shunned by society. No one. Period. I tried so hard to like boys. Oh god, did I try. I actually met this nice boy who I went to the occasional high school dance with for a year. My mind trying to convince my heart that I loved him, but I didn't. He actually admitted he was asexual to me after I had known him for a length of time. I think that was when I gave up trying to pretend like I wasn't gay.

I still loved this girl at the time, and now I began to pursue it. I went out of my way to let her know my feelings, without actually saying them. I came out to a really good friend of mine a year ago to this month. He was the one who encouraged me, being gay himself, to come out to this girl and see what would happen. Finally, I had gotten the courage to tell her. It was October 21, 2009 and I remember this day more clearly than I remember anything else.

I told her that I needed to tell her something. And she paused the show we were watching and looked at me. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh hell, what have I gotten myself into!" We probably sat there on that couch in her basement for an hour while I tried to muster the courage to come out. Finally I spit it out. To sum everything up, she basically said it was okay and she already guessed that I was gay.

I drove home that night with my heart racing and my mind going about a thousand miles an hour. Did she like me back? I found out later that she didn't. Have you ever felt like your world was melting away, right through your fingers? Well that is how I felt. My world has ended and put itself back together three times now. This was the first time. Welcome to reality Brianna.

Since then me and this girl don't talk much. I lost my best friend that night. I couldn't stand to be around her and she knew I liked her a lot so everything got super weird between us.

I'm going to finish my coming out story in another post so it isn't overwhelming to read :D
You can thank me later.

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Why hello there :D

My name is Brianna. I guess I'll start off by telling a little bit about myself. I am 18 years old living with my parents and younger sister in Spring, Texas. Texas is not something I like in the least bit. I hate it here, actually. I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. Utah was and always will be home to me. However, for now I am stuck here so I'll manage.

I attended an early college high school back in Utah. That basically means I went to high school and college at the same time. Oh the joy! And now I have a job at a recruiting company. I basically make book length advertisements for potential CEO's and the Credit Unions that want to hire them. It is wondrous, monotonous work indeed. I also go to college full time to finish up my Associates degree I started in Utah. So basically, I haven't really had much of a life for a long time outside of work and school.

I am a Lesbian. I don't necessarily like labels, but society does, so there you go society! Labels! I love being myself, and that self loves girls. It is as simple as that, people.

I have a lot of theories and ideas. Some of them are very logical and others are just flat out weird. However, this makes me a really good on the spot story teller, and I'll probably post random writings on here. Poetry is also something I enjoy writing. But mostly I want this blog to act as a journal, or maybe even telling what little I can remember in my life. It will be personal, that is for certain.

Life is my game, and dammit, I'm going to play it until the end.