8

I've been having this weird clip, image or whatever you want to call it, pop into my head lately.  I'm looking into a desert with mountains shadowed in the distance.  The sky is a light grey, that you only see on the most dismal of days.  It doesn't guarantee rain or revival, just cold, static wind.  The ground is almost completely flat and endless until it hits the mountains.  It is very hard under my feet, and almost completely solid except for hairline cracks that run throughout its surface. The whole scene looks like something from the salt flats in Utah, or maybe the black rock desert in Nevada.

As I look in front of me I see a girl standing maybe thirty feet in front of me.  She wears all black, and looks very thin and worn down like she bears an incredible weight upon her shoulders. Her black garb is thick, and her hair blows in the cold breeze.  She is covered in spots of dust and dirt, her brown hair looks very ragged and choppy.   Just past her I can see what she is looking at.  What used to be an old brick and stone cottage lies destroyed in the distance.  I can make out what the foundation of the house used to look like among the debris and rubble.  The torn down house is the only thing in the whole desert besides the girl standing in front of it.

In that moment after I had taken the scene in the girl turns slightly.  She looks at me for a moment, and then I realize the girl is me.  She gives me this wicked side smile and then it's all over.

I'll just be sitting and out of nowhere I can see it playing in my head again as if I was there.  It's not a daydream or a weird thing I made up in my head.  I feel like it is so real.  I think I'm suppose to get a message out of it.  It is either something about how I have changed, and my safety has crumbled before me, but I shouldn't forget that I can rebuild.  Something about my current state anyways.  But I feel like there is so much more to it then that.  I've been thinking about what that could could be over the past couple of days and I finally came up with it.

I have felt as though everything is falling apart for a long time now.  I can feel it in my bones.  Everyday when I go to school, I wonder if my degree will do me any good.  When I spend countless hours in a cubicle, I wonder if I am only saving up firewood.  It is a hard concept to grasp but I feel as though everything is coming to an end.  A horrible, catastrophic, bloody, "2012 end of the world" end? No.  A different sort of end unlike everyone is talking about.  I believe that power will collapse. Democracy, economy, institutions are coming to an end.  Why do I feel this way? I don't know.  I just do. That is the best explanation I can give you.

I'll elaborate on all of this in another entry.